I hope Fergie knows, I hope Fergie knows, that this has nothing to do with her.

So Fergie and Josh Duhamel got married. Actually, make that, “Josh Duhamel and Fergie got married” lest we be confused and think she’s going by “Fergie Duhamel” now. She may be. That information was not in Perez Hilton post from which the information was garnered.

This is the first marriage for both. It was Fergie’s first engagement and Josh Duhamel’s second.

Boys want to get married, even more so than girls. It’s true. This fact is confusing to society generally because girls like to spend time with their boyfriends and plan weddings and decorate baby rooms and eeeeeee!!!! But boys want to get married and they want to get married NOW (“now” being the time after graduation from college and before they are 30).

Boys have a myriad of reasons for wanting to get married which are not limited to having someone to watch TV and eat dinner with when they get home who will presumably not be leaving a smelly hockey bag in the foyer, and being finished with finding a girl for life. Boys are lazy.

Girls are lazy too. That’s why just as many girls marry boys they are too smart, funny, and interesting for because they are tired of the trying and failing and will accept a lower-level connection than they deserve in order to not be the last girl in their high school clique who has become betrothed.

But while girls catch and release looking and hoping for improvement, boys generally will gut and cook whatever decent-looking fish they reel in first, so long as that fish is not batshit crazy.

Josh Duhamel wanted to get married and get married he did. In 2004 Josh Duhamel was engaged to his girlfriend of “several years.” (Wikipedia) Also in 2004 (specifically, September 2004)? Josh Duhamel began dating Fergie. That is a quick turnaround – nine months at most – and begs the question, “Is Fergie the rebound of Josh Duhamel’s first engagement?” All signs point to “yes.”

I probably should mention at this point that we only know who Josh Duhamel is (do we?) can be attributed to him “following an ex-girlfriend to northern California” after college. Let’s all be thankful that there exists no clarification as to whether or not that girlfriend was already “ex” by the time her followed her. It’s better to limit Josh Duhamel’s crazy to the fact that he’s willing to marry a former meth addict in this day and age and when even Stephanie Tanner can’t stay off the pipe long enough to procure custody of her infant child.

Now, maybe Fergie is totally comfortable with all this. Hell, maybe they’re both comfortable with everything, right down to Fergie wetting her pants on stage and Josh Duhamel being from North Dakota. After all, the only info we have on Fergie’s dating past is light on the “dating” part and heavy on the “drugs and sex & girls and sex” (with the use of the word “spree,” no less). Oh, and Mario Lopez was her first kiss but there was, predictably, no tongue.

So in the hope that all peaces have been made with themselves and each other, let’s raise a glass of Welch’s Sparkling Grape to Josh Duhamel and Fergie and maybe go out and by the US Weekly with their wedding spread on the cover. After all, it’s imperative to see the two wedding dresses and 150-pound cake, and proof that “his wild & romantic gift” is probably neither of those two things. Unless it’s a meth bubble bath for two.